


The Devil's in the basement of my home (collecting debts I don't owe)

by Littledanceingdragons



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25602412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littledanceingdragons/pseuds/Littledanceingdragons
Summary: It was his fault, all of it. Every scream of Innocent people caught in its claws. The roar of rage his teacher had made at him. The way she told him he would live again. Gray knew Death would follow him. Even at Fairy Tail he knew, Death waits for no one and doesn't care if you are strong. And one day it would come for Gray.(Or a vent fic about Gray with a hint of Gray/Natsu)
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	The Devil's in the basement of my home (collecting debts I don't owe)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey pay attention to the tags. 
> 
> Gray's Dad (Silver) & Ur & Ultear are mentioned. So is Avatar. There's murder but it's not graphic (aka no blood or gore descriptions). Also I guess there could be an identity crisis going on? But I think it's more of Gray just being unsure but be aware just in case.
> 
> Again: This is a vent fic. It's emotional. Don't like don't open the damn story. And if you don't like it, please don't tell me about it in the comments. Not only is that absolutely horrible it's not constructive. And nor is an emotional story the place for any sort of constructive criticism outside of: the representation of mental illnesses, if there is a toxic trope or miss representation of something within the story. I'm only saying this because I have had problems with people acting as if commenting un-constructive opinions and or demands on my work before repeatedly. I am asking that you do not do this.
> 
> That being said, please enjoy the story.

Gray was a child.

A child while he watches the worst monster of his life rip through people and buildings. He's never been more scared than he is now. His father says to run, to leave.

So they try too.

Gray makes it out but his parents don't. No one else but Gray does. And he sits there, crying like the child he is. For a moment he swears he can feel the monsters gaze on him. For a moment he knows it's watching him.

Gray doesn't care.

Kill me if you want he had roared at it. Tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't care if he didn't survive. Gray just wanted his home back. He didn't want everyone dead.

But Gray learned that death is something that will haunt him.

Just when he thinks he's safe with Ur, thinking she might be too strong for death. But that strength ended up being her down fall. It made her die. Deliora was dead and buried under her ice. The same ice that was made of her body.

Gray wasn't okay then. And he wasn't okay after.

It was his fault, all of it. Every scream of Innocent people caught in its claws. The roar of rage his teacher had made at him. The way she told him he would live again. Gray knew Death would follow him. Even at Fairy Tail he knew, Death waits for no one and doesn't care if you are strong. And one day it would come for Gray.

He looks out at the road. Not expecting her. Not expecting the last thing he has connected to Ur to disappear. He knows she's happy now. Ultear won't be in pain ever again, everything ended on her terms. Just like Ur.  
He didn't tell them. Natsu knew, he always knows. Natsu also didn't let Gray shut them out. He hated him at first, but soon he was in warm arms and crying his eyes out.

Gray never said why. He knows it's wrong to keep something like this to himself. It's not a thing someone who's normal does. Only Gray does it. Gray who doesn't say anything to others and fights back when they show concern for him. He's aware Natsu is the same. He knows the other is too stubborn to let Gray hurt himself. He always is.

He didn't think it would get worse. He loses his father again. He loses everything. And yet he gains everything. Making a deal with Erza and the Magic Council is easy. Gray knows how to play the bad guy, he knows how to act like what he's not. He still goes to training with Crime Socaire without a hitch. They teach him alot, making sure he's alright. Jellal doesn't refrain from giving Gray hugs, saying he needs one every once in a while.

He doesn't think so but who is he to argue with Jellal?

Soon Gray is ready. Or he thought he was. The first day they make Gray murder someone. It was a failed cult member. In their own words the man was " a disgrace " and " something that cannot walk this Earth. "  
Gray still feels sick to his stomach. They had told him to do what he wanted. Watching silently in the shadows. Gray had taken a breath. Closing his eyes he did something he learned on accident. A move learned to destory and only destroy.

The ice that climbed out of his mouth formed into a pretty flower, something beautiful coming out of another life. Gray knows the tempature dropped. He also knows he won. He knows they are going to let him join.  
They had asked why he chose a flower at the top at all. Wanting to know if it was a weakness. Something to be used. Gray had glared at them, allowing his magic to flare out with a rage he doesn't possess.

He had asked if there was something wrong with flowers. No one dared to speak up against him. Not once looking his way or directly at him. He walked out with an invitation.

Gray doesn't like to talk about those days. Weeks. Months. A year. His favorite thing was to leave that place. He had scowled when they offered him a bed. Gray had walked out. They asked again, not shying away from the confrontation. He looked at them and called the place a dump.  
His persona was snarky, rude and most importantly powerful. That's all Avatar cared about.

When he finally is alone with Natsu everything shatters. His mask of normal is fractured. Gray doesn't know who he is anymore. Natsu just held him, rubbing small circles into his back. I'm sorry he had sobbed, hours spent wailing like a child.  
Natsu huffed at him and told him to knock that off. You've never been scared about crying, why are you scared now? Natsu asked green eyes trained on him.

Gray told him. All of it. His childhood, Ur, Ultear, His Dad, Avatar.

He didn't fight it when Natsu kissed him lovingly. On some level Gray has always known. And now? All he needs is Natsu. I'm sorry he pressed into Gray's skin. I love you Natsu told him firmly, like he knew the world would hear but he didn't care.

Gray asked Natsu to kiss him again. And again. And again.

He felt safe, grounded. For the first time in years. Gray knows Natsu is special to him. Maybe he didn't realize it before. Maybe he was just overwhelmed. But now he knows. Gray's not going to let Death take Natsu. Death will have to wait for them. It's taken everything else in his life, it owes Gray some joy.  
Maybe that's why Death doesn't come for Gray. Maybe Death is scared of Natsu.

But it doesn't matter. Even if Death is scared of Natsu, Gray's going to be offended about it he decides. Accepting another kiss from Natsu is easy. He knows he's not okay, Natsu might force him into therapy after today. And that's okay. Because Natsu is here, and he's not going to leave. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I am going to copy and paste what I said in the beginning notes to hopefully stop people from causing problems just because they do not see the point. 
> 
> " Again: This is a vent fic. It's emotional. Don't like don't open the damn story. And if you don't like it, please don't tell me about it in the comments. Not only is that absolutely horrible it's not constructive. And nor is an emotional story the place for any sort of constructive criticism outside of: the representation of mental illnesses, if there is a toxic trope or miss representation of something within the story. I'm only saying this because I have had problems with people acting as if commenting un-constructive opinions and or demands on my work before repeatedly. I am asking that you do not do this. "
> 
> Title is from the song: breathe again by joy oladokun.


End file.
